Making Big News!

I am so grateful for Debra Rubin’s Religion News Service article about In Shifra’s Arms. It’s being picked up by the Washington Post, Huffpo and others. Isn’t my baby Raviv adorable? *Gush*. Anyways…

I want to fill in some details for those who are interested in learning more about us.

First of all, we are multi-denominational and non-political organization.  I happen to attend an modern Orthodox synagogue, but we have volunteers from diverse backgrounds and I am always recruiting people from diverse backgrounds to volunteer and of course we will all respect clients whatever their background. I want pro-choicers, pro-lifers, Reform, Orthodox, Conservative, unaffiliated who see the value of our organization to participate and they do. I don’t ask people their affiliation and for a litmus test.  In terms of the Helpline Counselors, everyone knows that we are here to listen and to offer help for continuing pregnancies, giving birth and moving forward even under very, very challenging circumstances. We’re not here to lecture and we let women make up their own minds. I can’t imagine how we could operate any other way, honestly.

Secondly, we are not in the business of telling people whether abortion is permissible or not in a specific case according to Jewish law. Different denominations, different rabbis differ on this, and we’re not pretending to speak for them. We’re here to offer help no matter circumstances are.  We of course encourage women to seek additional support from their doctors and rabbis as needed for things beyond our scope.

Thirdly, we are actively looking to expand!

We have built a database of resources for women facing crisis pregnancy which can easily be replicated in other cities. Our database isn’t just of organizational resources- it’s people who are willing to help and volunteer their time and abilities. We have a mediator for couples who are struggling with a new baby, we have some who can help with budgeting and mentor single parents and on and on. Really, every Jewish community should have this. And once we are fully effectively doing this for the broad Jewish community, we should make sure to actively offer help to people outside the Jewish community.

We have some awesome interns this summer who will be helping us recruit more volunteers/ donated goods as well as distribute our literature…. can’t wait for their start date!

Shifra’s Parsha

While our Christian brothers and sisters will be celebrating Christmas, Jews around the world will read about the birth of Moses in Parsha Shemot, the first chapters of the book of Exodus. (This happens to be a rare co-incidence, usually the Torah portion is read in January.)

From Shifra and Puah, the midwives who refused to kill the Israelite boys on the birthstool, to the adoption of Moses by the Pharoah’s daughter, this Torah portion and the midrashim which surround it speak to the underlying spirit of In Shifra’s Arms.

Here are a few examples:

One midrash shares that before Moses’ birth, the Israelite men had begun to refuse to sleep with the women. In such despair about their circumstances (being enslaved by the Egyptians) and their future, they believed it was hopeless to bring forth new life. The midrash reports that the Israelite women heroically seduced their husbands- using mirrors to help them see themselves and become aroused. It was crucial to bring new life into the world, even when the world looks dark and hopeless, because in fact that is only a temporary condition. A larger Divine plan was at play- but this plan required bringing new children into the world, one of which would be Moses.

According to another Midrash, when Pharaoh told the midwives to kill all newborn Jewish male babies, he was speaking to the Hebrew midwives Yocheved and Miriam (who were given the names Puah and Shifra). The question arises, why would Pharaoh ask the Hebrew midwives to kill the babies? Why not ask Egyptian midwives to kill the little baby boys instead? The answer is Pharaoh told them: “What kind of life is it anyway to be in poverty and bondage?” Perhaps we can learn from this that the seduction of hopelessness is potentially a greater enemy than any external force.

The third and obvious example is Yocheved’s (Moses’s mother) choice to try to give her child to another woman (the Pharoah’s daughter) rather than allow him be killed. She then acted as a wet-nurse for her own son. Perhaps this is the first example of open adoption? Batya, the Pharoah’s daughter, is given extraordinary stature in the midrash and is one of the few people who was able to enter the World-to-Come without having to die.

In each of these stories, we see that the spirit of the Jewish people is to give birth even in dark circumstances, even when it requires difficult choices (allowing another to raise your child)… We must however offer support to one another to light up dark circumstances, so no one has to travel alone.

But how has our work actually been going? See the next post …

The Jewish/ Israeli Tebow

Some of the controversy surrounding Tim Tebow’s Super Bowl ad is surprising once you see the ad, which did not even mention abortion! I went to the Focus on the Family website that the ad refers to. There I heard from Tebow’s parents a moving story about how Pam wanted Timmy so much and loved her child in the womb so much that she would be willing to die for him if necessary. Her love and her faith led her to defy the conventional medical advice that she had to abort because she could not both  continue her pregnancy/give birth and live herself. Over and over again, she thought she had miscarried, only to discover Timmy (whom they named in utero, without even knowing whether he was boy!)  was alive. Despite all the conventional knowledge, he was born healthy, alive and kicking, and she was able to fully recover from the illness she had faced while pregnant. A Heisman Trophy winner, he may well become known as the greatest college football player whoever lived.

In traditional Jewish law (halakha) as well as modern understanding, a direct threat to the health of the mother is a permissible reason to have an abortion and in fact, depending on the circumstance, can be considered mandatory because the mother’s life takes precendence. When this actually applies, of course, is the subject of extensive discussion and debate beyond the scope of this blog. (However, we would be happy to connect anyone interested in this issues to rabbis from various denominations, Reform, conservative and Orthodox).

Because of this background, I think many would take the Tebow’s story and choice to give birth to be a uniquely Christian one.

But in fact, it is not.

Barely two years after surviving the hellfire of the Holocaust, a Jewish woman in a small Romanian town became pregnant.

The doctors in the Romanian town were adamant. There was no way that this skeletal young thing, weighing exactly forty kilograms (88 lbs), would survive this pregnancy. Her body was still too weak, too ravaged by hunger and disease, to sustain a new life. Not her life, and not that of her baby. The doctors insisted that, in order to save her life, an abortion must be performed immediately.

She was steadfast in her refusal. “Even if it costs me my life,” she vowed, “I will do all I can to bring a new generation to the world. I will do my share to restore some life to our stricken and wounded People.”

She was warned time and again, “You are endangering your life. Your body will not survive what you are doing to it.” When she finally gave birth to a healthy baby boy, she and her husband were overjoyed. They had twice been granted the priceless gift of life, for themselves and for their child.

Thus was born a child called Aaron, born to parents who after witnessing and surviving such destruction could not bring themselves to destroy life. He grew up to become a great general of the Israel Defense Forces, serving today to protect the Jewish state with outstanding valor and brilliance. (Excerpted from Efrat)

I would say that it is profoundly Jewish to fight to bring new life into the world, especially in the face of great odds. To be willing to take risks out of love for their unfolding children, this is also Jewish.

Most women who consider abortion are not facing severe medical risks, but in their own world, having a child may be no less frightening than as if they were. Perhaps its frightening because she is being pressured by the baby’s father to abort, or her parents. (Sadly, one study published in the Medical Science Journal found that 64% of American women studied experienced pressure to abort.) Or perhaps she has dreams that she feel will be shattered if she gives birth to the baby. Or perhaps because she already has a child or more and doesn’t have financial resources for another. Abortion, inherently, is a choice made by a woman in crisis and under stress.

I often wonder how often the choice to abort is actually a “choice”.  Choice implies the experience of freedom. If a woman is terrified of the future and she doesn’t believe that she can overcome the challenges in front of her, she does not experience freedom. She can make a decision, she can react to the circumstance, but she cannot freely choose.  How often is the “choice” to abort made from fear, without a woman experiencing she has other “real” options?

That’s why our work is so important. Because women cannot freely choose when they are afraid. They can choose when they are fully supported and empowered.

Two ways to terminate… listening to your heart

All pregnancies end. All pregnancies are “terminated”. The question is will the pregnancy end with abortion or birth?

I was discussing issues related to In Shifra’s Arms with an old friend.  My sense was that she was dealing with it from an intellectual, law point of view and I was dealing with it from the heart. She is a very compassionate person, I just felt like she was approaching it from her mind more than her heart in the conversation we had.

If you are struggling with this issue- you are probably on a rollercoaster of worry, shock, anxiety, excitement, fear, or maybe you are even numb from all the emotion.  Pay attention to your heart. Many times women think, “I need to just get rid of it, get it taken care of” without allowing themselves time to deal emotionally with what “it” is.

We’re hear to support hearts opening and women believing in themselves and their own potential and the potential of the being growing within them… even in the face of extremely challenging circumstances. We’re here also of course to assist with the practical side, communicating with people in your life, the clothing, the pre- and post-natal counseling, job/educational supports, etc. All this can come, but it starts with listening to your heart.

A Moving Story from Our Friend, Efrat, Across the World

Efrat is the name of the Israeli organization who has been working for 30 years to help women facing unplanned pregnancies to give birth. I consider Efrat to be like In Shifra’s Arms favorite aunt.  We personally give tzedakah to them and I encourage everyone to do so as well.  Here is a story from their website. In the last 30 years, they have helped 34,000 women to give birth. So much of it has to do with just caring for others… enjoy.

An amazing true story about how the kindness one does for another can back to you.

Who was the Mystery Soldier who left the hospital so quickly?

Yoni, an Israeli Defense Force soldier stationed in Hebron, was shot by an Arab terrorist. It happened very early in the morning, and no one else was awake to hear it. Yoni passed out and was bleeding steadily, his life was heading toward a silent end.

But another soldier stationed nearby heard the shot and went to investigate. He found a fellow Israeli soldier bleeding to death. He tried the best he could to stop the bleeding and called for help. Waiting for help to arrive, he kept applying pressure to the wound- literally holding Yoni’s life in his hands.

Yoni was taken to a hospital in Be’er Sheva where he underwent surgery. Yoni’s parents were notified and they rushed to the hospital. Imagine the fear of the parents who were only told “your son has been injured and is in the hospital.” When they arrived the doctor told them that Yoni was shot but will be alright. Had it not been for the immediate actions of the other soldier, their son Yoni would have bled to death. It was a miracle that the other soldier heard what no one else heard, and managed to locate Yoni as quickly as he did. The parents wanted to thank that soldier, but he had just left the hospital after hearing that the soldier he helped would survive.

While recuperating at home, Yoni and his parents called the army to find out the name of the other soldier so they could thank him personally. Unfortunately, that soldier’s name was not recorded and although they tried to ask around they simply couldn’t track down who that other soldier was.

Yoni’s mother knew that the important thing of course is that Yoni is well, yet she couldn’t help feeling that as long as she couldn’t meet and thank the solider who bravely saved her son’s life- the entire frightening episode is still not fully over. Not being able to thank the soldier continued to give her an empty feeling… but then she had an idea.

The couple owned a grocery store in Kiryat Malachi (a town near Ashkelon), so they decided to put up a sign in the store, describing what happened, figuring that Israel is a small country and eventually they might found out who the mystery soldier was.

Months passed with no response. Finally, one morning about a year later, a woman customer noticed the sign hanging by the door of the store. She recalled how happy her son Yair was when he came home one Friday night and told them how he heard a shot and was able to save another soldier’s life in Hebron. She went back and told the owner of the store. The story matched. The two women now decided to try to reach their sons on cell phones and see if they could meet at the store. Fortunately it turned out that both the young men and even the fathers were able to all meet that afternoon at the store.

The families soon gathered for an emotional “rendezvous”. The soldiers recounted army experiences and finally after all this time Yoni’s mother could stand up and thank Yair for saving her son’s life or as she put it, “You saved my world”. She looked forward to feeling “completion” after all this time by thanking the soldier, but little did she know that the story was hardly complete.

After the tearful thank you, Yair’s mother quietly pulled her aside and asked to speak with her outside. The two women went out alone. And she asked Yoni’s mother: “Look at me- you don’t remember me?” “No, I’m sorry did we meet before? she responded. “Yes. You see there is a particular reason I came into your store today… I used to live here and this time I was just passing by but I wanted to give you my business, even though I was only buying a few things.”

“What are you talking about? Yoni’s mother asked. “Twenty years ago I used to live around here and came all the time to buy milk and bread… One day you noticed that I looked really down and you were so nice and asked me why I was so down and I confided in you. I told you that I was going through a very difficult time and on top of that I was pregnant and planning on having an abortion. As soon as I said “abortion” you called your husband over and the two of you didn’t seem to care about your own store but sat down and patiently listened to me and I remember what you said.

“You told me that it is true that I was going through a hard time but sometimes the good things in life come through difficulty, and the best things come through the biggest difficulties. You spoke of the joy of being a mother and that the most beautiful word to hear in the Hebrew language is “Ima” (mother) when spoken by one’s child.. you both spoke and spoke until I was convinced that I actually should have this baby- so you see G-d paid you back!”

What do you mean? asked Yoni’s mother. I had a boy twenty years ago that you saved by telling me to think twice before doing the abortion. With happy tears she declared, “My beloved Yair wouldn’t have been alive if not for you. He was the one you were looking for. He was the one who grew up to save your son, Yoni’s life!”

J’s Chanukka Miracle Story…for the New Year

The last few weeks of 2009 brought two stories that blew me away-representing light in the darkness that I wrote about in my last post. People often ask me- do Jewish women ever choose adoption for their babies? If so, why? This story gives a glimmer…

The first was from a gentleman (J) who had originally contacted me seeking to put his profile on our website with other “Messages from Jewish Families Seeking to Adopt”. J and his wife had struggled for ten years with infertility after the birth of one daughter. Like so many potential adoptive families, he wanted so desperately the opportunity to love another child and specifically prayed to find a Jewish women who they could connect with. He shared the following story, which speaks for itself.  I would love to hear what you think… questions or thoughts you have.

In J’s Story

Literally the moment we were certified as able to adopt, we learned about a local, young Jewish girl who found out that she was about six months pregnant. This was not something that she had planned, and even over-the-counter pregnancy tests had all come back negative up until that point. So there was absolutely nothing she could do except keep the baby or give it up for adoption.  This young girl had made a very clear- minded determination that she was in no position in her life at that point to raise an infant.  This young Jewish girl, let’s call her “Jessica”, realized that her career, which involved a good deal of travel, would not allow her to be able to raise the child, so she made the difficult, but brave decision to put the child up for adoption.

Now, even though “Jessica” was not herself religious, she decided that she wanted to make sure that her child was raised in a Shomer Shabbos, Shomer Mitzvahs [Orthodox] home.

Over the next few weeks, we spent time with, and got to know “Jessica”. She really bonded with  myself, my wife, and our 10-year old Daughter. She spent a Shabbos at our home and she told me that she felt comfortable in the way we were raising our 10- year-old girl, and that this helped her immensely in her decision to let our family be the ones to raise her baby. We learned that she was having a girl, our daughter was bursting with excitement at the possibility of finally, finally after so many years, of having a little sister, and no longer being the only “only child” at her school.

Now, I have to be honest with you.  Part of us wanted to believe, and did believe, that absolutely this was all Hashgacha Protis– it was all divinely ordained that this child come to us.  But then there was the skeptical part that said was all just too good to be true and that there must be something wrong.  What if something was wrong with the baby?  What kind of test did Hashem have in store for us?

Well, Hashem decided to answer that question pretty darn fast.  Just before Shabbos Chanukah, on Thursday night, December 10, 2009, I got a frantic call from “Jessica”.  She was feeling awful, she was in horrible pain, she was vomiting, and her employer was not being sympathetic to her situation at all.

There was no choice but to get her to the emergency room once again (she had already been three times that day) and try to talk to the doctor. To make a long story short, we were able to get her a work note, but there was no way I was going to let her return to that apartment alone, and there was no question that we were going to have her for Shabbos again, with the idea that a little rest, some of my wife’s  chicken soup, and some cholent, and she would be back in action by Monday.

You have absolutely no idea how grateful we are that we made that fateful decision, for this is where the next and possibly the greatest part of the miracle comes in.

After a lovely Shabbos meal, we all turned in early that Friday night.  At about 1 a.m., we got a knock on her bedroom door.  Jessica said “Uh, guys, I think I have a problem.  I think my water may have broken.”  We panicked for a while and tried to figure out what the heck to do, because after all, it was Shabbos. As some of you may know, when a life is in danger, you are absolutely allowed, in fact you are compelled to violate Shabbos. So, we got a taxi and my wife went with “Jessica” to the hospital. I stayed home with our 10-year old girl.

In the morning, we got a call and heard on the answering machine from the nurse that “Jessica” was doing fine, that she was beginning to dilate, and that they were beginning to induce labor.

Finally, as Shabbos neared its close, we got a call from the nurse, and we ran to the answering machine to hear the news that at 4:42 p.m., right around the time that I had been reciting the special Chanukah “Al Hanissim” (” for the miracles”) in my Mincha Prayers,  “Jessica” had given birth to a perfectly healthy, 5 lbs. 9 oz. baby girl, and we also heard absolute sweetest sound in the universe– the sound of our holy daughter crying.

At that point, I essentially melted into the floor into an uncontrollable wave of emotion and a pool of tears.  My wife had spent the previous 16 grueling hours with “Jessica”, through every step of labor. She held her hand, she cried with her, and she literally watched our daughter being born.  Had we decided not to have “Jessica” stay with us that Shabbos, she would have had the baby all alone, and we would have had no way of knowing what occurred until after Shabbos. It certainly would not have been the same, that’s for sure.

With the lawyers help, we got to take our daughter home from the hospital on Monday, December 14, and we have had her ever since, and the Judge entered the adoption order on Tuesday, December 22, 2009, thank G-d.

Again, we are so pleased to be able to share this miraculous event with you all.  May we all continue to hear nothing but Simchas and Schep Nachas from the entire family and all of our Holy Children.

On Fire and The Miracle of Chanukka

I’m back to blogging… and on fire!

Our rabbis asked the question… why do we celebrate Chanukka for eight days?  The classic Hebrew school answer is that when the Maccabees took back the Temple from the Greeks, there was only enough kosher oil (which hadn’t been defiled by pagan ritual) to burn in the Ner Tamid (Eternal Flame) in the Temple for one day. This was not long enough to get more oil. So after winning a monumental battle and working hard to re-sanctify the holiest place on earth, the Maccabees would have had to watch the light go out again in the Temple. Miraculously, however the oil lasted for eight days and the Ner Tamid was able to continue burning for hundreds of years uninterrupted!

However, I learned once that this Hebrew school answer doesn’t totally make sense. If the oil was known to be able to last one day, then the first day of oil burning was actually NOT a miracle. It was the other seven days that were miraculous. So why do we celebrate for eight days?

The miracle of the first day is the miracle that the Maccabees had the courage to light *even* when they didn’t know how it make it last, *even* when they risked having the light extinguished and being left in the darkness again. Their miracle was the miracle beginning to bring light into the world even when there were no guarantees. Their miracle was lighting up the darkness.

Thousands of women  today will discover they are pregnant and without support or resources- perhaps even being pressured and coerced by their boyfriend or spouse to abort. Or maybe it just looks like the pregnancy will ruin their life. These women do not deserve judgment, they need loving support. They deserve to have people believe in them and their future- even when there only seems to enough oil for one night.

For there is nothing so precious as bringing life and light into the darkness.

- Erica P., Founder and Chair of the Board, In Shifra’s Arms, Inc.

www.InShifrasArms.org

Hello World…

I conceived In Shifra’s Arms and my son Micah around the same time (May 2008)… though not *quite* in the same way.

Micah came to be through a loud moment of ecstasy between my husband and me. In Shifra’s Arms came to me in a quiet moment alone when I was moved by a clear vision that spilled through my fingertips onto a desktop screen. In both cases, there was a before- a BAM- and an after. In the case of Micah, we got what we had been longing for… the chance to parent and an adorable child. In the case of ISA, I got what I asked for… the opportunity to serve others in a meaningful way and a compelling purpose.  In both cases, there’s been no turning back.

Why the issue of unplanned pregnancy? I’m passionate about giving women real alternatives to abortion- I think that pro-choicers and pro-lifers can agree that if you think the choice to give birth will ruin your future, it doesn’t feel like much of a choice. I know this is a niche within the Jewish community that hasn’t been filled in this country. This contrasts to Israel, where an organization called Efrat has worked with 34,000 women to give birth who had been seriously considering abortion. In thirty years, no one has reported regretting the choice to give birth- despite the pressures they were under to abort- and many, many women go back to volunteer.

Both my son and ISA have evolved since conception…  the tremendous potential created in those BAM moments has been unfolding each day. On January 29, 2009, I gave birth to Micah Solomon. He’s precious, amazingly adorable and SO close to crawling now. During and since my pregnancy, I researched unplanned pregnancy issues and resources, got a team together and formed an executive board, created a  nonprofit corporation, and created a method of service. Today, I’m proud to announce to birth of In Shifra’s Arms to the world! We’re open for to serve, targeting college campuses in the DC Metroplitan area to start.